Came out on facebook and glad to say most everyone is supportive. I’ve been out to the majority of people for a while now but i wanted to get it out there. And i haven’t told my family because they’re evangelical fundamentalist christians who think homosexuality is evil, abhoration and disgusting. I am Bisexual BTW. here’s what i said.
Hey everyone. I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY.HEY! Got your attention? Good! Now MOST of you already know this. But I love words. I like to use them to make sense of the beautiful cacophony in my head. So I have to write this out. Okay. Okay? okay! Guys….I’m Bisexual.
Guys seriously, you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve always been like this, you just didn’t know and I just never was comfy enough in my personhood to talk about it.
Yeah that’s it. Wasn’t actually THAT big of a deal so. Keep calm, carry on. And no I was never hitting on you! Yes I hear you, in your mind, surreptitiously thinking that. Just kidding, I know you’re not thinking that. So yep that’s about it. Nothing special, nothing new, No I’m NOT CONFUSED, and yes I’m pretty damn sure, and no I’m not evil and I’m not gonna eat and roast babies. This post is probably gonna give me stomach stress cramps all night….. Ok then see you guys wherever I see you. Love you all! Be happy, Be peaceful.
P.S (And sorry Mom, Dad , Kattly and Elna and the rest of the close fam. but I am SO NOT READY to tell you guys yet . Maybe like a long time in the future. You guys REALLY aren’t ready for that and I’M not ready for that. Just hope you will be ready to handle it one day, I hope I will be ready to handle it too. Much love ♥ but for now this post remains. Unread by you.)
It’s a long one stick with me? You have my permission to reblog this or like this or comment.
I don’t remember ever feeling anything good about myself. I keep thinking about all the things people have told me all my life and how true they are. Ever since I was a kid in like 1st grade people would make fun of me. I didn’t know why back then. People then started making fun of my hair, and my teeth. They teased me for being a nerd. So I buried myself in books. Smart move. -_-
They pushed me around in the hallways shoved me into walls and told me I was ugly wierd and just plain “ewwww”. that my hair was nappy and greasy. that I had ugly teeth and ugly clothing. I grew to hate myself a lot. My mother didn’t care. its not that she didn’t care she just didn’t understand. She insisted that they hated me “becauseIwas a child of god” and ignored my pleas for her to tell me what’s wrong with me.
So basically i’m busy with college apps. stress and stuff. Reinvention is going well. The end of this week will make 4 weeks without a weigh in and it’s been terrifying me lately. Haven’t cut in almost two months. also terrifying. and i want to very much. today was an abnormally depressed day. was on the edge of tears all day. sorry. will try harder. I keep thinking about my family and how they are going to hate and disown me someday because i’m an atheist and bisexual and disagree with everything they believe (fundamentalist evangelical seventh day adventist.) I live my life with the constant fear of this future where i’m all alone and i don’t know what to do. I plan my life accordingly to that day that moment when everything will fall apart. Everything i do, where i apply to college, what i do with my money ETC. Has to do with prepping me for my eventual disownment. No 17 year old should have to live with that but i do. Oh well.